24 Hours in Dating Land

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This is hilarious. Tragic, but hilarious. Honest to God, I keep checking that my webcam isn’t on, filming me for some ‘you’ve been framed’ type show! Sadly not – these are real life men, and some poor woman is going to fall right into their grubby little hands.

Ok, so in the past 24 hours, I have ‘met’ some interesting characters. Some are quite sad, others are ‘ok’, a couple are really scary and the rest are probably out on licence.

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I received a message from a man who lives not too far away. In his 50s, couldn’t really see what he looked like as his photo was of him cutting his grass. In his slippers.

Sexy.

But ok – his first message was nice and polite, and ended with him asking the obligatory ‘how long have you been on here?’ question.

I told him only a couple of days and returned the question.

Am I allowed to say OMG at my age?

I don’t care, O.M.G.

I received a long message back, telling me first how he was sick of women only being after him for his wealth (well, don’t mention it then), and then how women cheat and he WOULDN’T tolerate it (yes, he actually upper-cased me), and finally ended it with a story about how his wife cheated on him with his best friend and then couldn’t take the shame and committed suicide!

All this in the second message. Can you imagine the baggage???luggage-2273461_640

I’ve had my share of drama and at my age, I’d rather have no relationship than a drama-filled one. I mean, if the story is true (I was slightly worried that he had, in fact, killed her for cheating and made it look like a suicide – I watch too much Criminal Minds) I feel bad for the guy but come on – in a second message?

Then there was the ‘horse man’. All of his photos were of him with horses. Nice, I like horses. Not quite as much as him apparently. I looked at his profile and decided to pass him by because he came across as arrogant – another one with money who uses it as leverage. I’m slightly uncomfortable where money is concerned; if there is a considerable difference in yours and theirs there can be an unbalance of power in the relationship. Not always, but sometimes. So anyway, he saw that I looked at his profile and sent me a message: ‘Hello – have you got the wild side I look for in a woman?’

I replied, asking him if he realised this was a dating site and not an rocking-horse-33719_640equestrian auction site, to which he replied ‘if you say so’. I’m not sure if he genuinely thinks women are like livestock or was just being dismissive, but I’ll never know because he is also blocked.

Then, late last night, I received a message from a man who seemed nice in his profile, until he asked me to add him on facebook. In his second message. The first one said ‘hi’. Really? Do women do that? I have photos of my children on there, my grandchildren, personal details. Am I being old fashioned or is that really strange?

Which brings me to the last man. I woke up to a message simply saying ‘wow’. I took it as a compliment, although it could have meant ‘world of warcraft’, ‘war of the worlds’, or possibly ‘world of wrestling’ – who knows. I looked at his profile, he was pretty hot, so I replied:

‘I’m not sure how to follow that, but hello.’

“You’re cute. Are you kinky?”

I’m thinking WOW actually meant ‘website of weirdos’.

 

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